Where I’ve Been and Where I’m Going.

I’m not being myself lately. I’m usually a very positive person. No matter what is going on, I have a way of making things work out for me. Go ahead… ask people. 

In my world nothing ever goes wrong, I just change my idea of what is right. 

It just seems like lately it’s been hard for me to kick the negative vibes coming my way. For the first time in my entire life I just don’t know what to do with myself. 

Let me take some time out to reflect on my past year. This will probably help me set some goals for the year ahead. It might be late, but better late than never.

2008.

People came in and out of my life at a ridiculous pace. One minute I’m hanging with this group and the next thing you know everything changed. To be honest, I don’t even know how I got to this point. Most of the year it felt like I was going through the motions. Waking up, doing what I do, going to sleep only to do it over again. But, it has been such a rough year for so many people that I can not complain about my life. 

The people that I met in 2008, let me tell you, have been AMAZING. It’s not only the people that I met this year that are amazing, but I feel like I have learned to appreciate the people that I have known in a new way this past year also. Maybe it’s me getting older, being put in different situations, but all I know is that I have never had this appreciation for people ever in my life. There was a point where me and my homies would sit around and when people pass by, the first thing that would pop up is “that fool is whack.” (You know exactly what I’m talking about too). And I’m not going to say that I’m not guilty of still doing that sometimes, I’m just saying that lately I have been realizing that there are a lot of talented people out there. And it makes you think about how people look at you. 

And when I do think about myself, I feel as though I haven’t had much time for myself lately. Between work, my relationship, and trying to keep up with people, I have not taken “me” time, and I think it’s taking it’s toll on me. One thing that I have noticed is that I still haven’t adjusted or accepted moving back home after being on my own so far away from everything. When I think about my mood at home compared to my mood when I was in college, there is a huge difference. I feel like things aren’t as exciting anymore.

Someone asked me what I did for new year 2008 and I didn’t know what to say. It feels like 2007 and 2008 were just smashed together. If you were to ask me about some things that happen in college, I can tell you exactly what I was wearing, who was around me, and what I had for breakfast that day. Now that I am home, I don’t have the zeal or excitement I used to. Nothing seems memorable anymore. I think there was no real transitioning period for me after I left Santa Barbara. I feel as though I just jumped into things too fast and didn’t stop to smell the roses till they were already gone. It’s the story of my life. 

I mean,  don’t get me wrong. My life is great. I have a job, I can go places that I want to go, buy things that I want to buy, and do thing that I want to do. But something is missing. It’s one of those things where when you have everything you feel like you have nothing. And it seems like the only way you will feel like you have everything is when you start over with nothing. It might not make sense to you but it makes perfect sense to me. And I think some people understand where I’m coming from. 

Maybe it’s just one of those days, or maybe I’m on to something. I guess only time will tell. So many things to look forward to, so many things to look back on. All I can do is make the best of it and see where we all end up. I wish the best of luck for everyone in 2009. 

Peace.

Anomie.

Tell me if this sounds familiar to you: 

You feel like you have been working so hard, but then for some reason there is this lingering sense of anomie, and you can’t kick it. What makes it worse, you feel as though everyone else around you is getting places in this game we call life, but all the hard work that you have been doing makes you feel as though you are chasing your own tail. 

I was having a conversation with someone the other day, and I realized that everyone feels this way more often than none. Much of this feeling comes from uncertainty. Uncertainty of what’s going to happen next. Of not knowing if what we are doing is the right thing. We look around us, and there is an abundance of people who are “making it” in life. But what we have to understand is that we can’t and shouldn’t judge our stature against that of other people. To each his own, and just because someone else took a certain road does not make it the right one.  

Everyone is after the same thing. Remember that, and let me say it again just for effect. Everyone is after the same thing. They key is, we all have different approaches. What are we after? One word, with a plethora of meanings; success. To me it’s this, and to you it’s that. But to all of us it probably involves being able to provide for ourselves, our family, our future. We all want that feeling where everything is in place. 

The only way we can become successful in this life is by believe in ourselves. If there was one person you can bank on, that person should be yourself. Think about it this way. If you don’t think you can do something, what makes you think that someone else will think you can do something? If we believe in ourselves, then it’s easier to stay focused on what we want. Because when we doubt what we do, we get distracted by what other people are doing. And other peoples problems always seem like they are better than our own problem.

Every time we are in a transitional stage of our lives, we are going to feel this strong sense of anomie. We just have to sit back, and remember what we planed out for ourselves and let the feeling pass. Everything will fall back into place again, and we will then realize what all that work was for. It always seems like a good idea to take the short cut, but in the end, we miss out of so much if he rush things.

It Starts Here.

This is another attempt for me to have some kind of record of my life while sharing it with the rest of you. There has been so much going on these days, and I realized that I haven’t spent enough time appreciating everything and sharing things with others. My life has come to the point where I spend so much time looking towards the future, that I forget about what’s going on today. I would like to change and stop every now and then to reflect on what is going on today. 

I would like to welcome you to my life. Thank you for stopping by, and I hope you come back frequently.